Let Go of the Brakes

With two races under my belt and numerous training trips to some pretty challenging single-track trails, it's easy for me to say...that I'm still learning.  I pick up something new every time I get on the bike.  I feel like I'm making some good gearing decisions and the timing of those decisions is getting better.  My comfort level in the saddle and out is improving.  I do, however, encounter some obstacles that challenge me. 

One of the most important lessons I've learned over the past several months is that sometimes faster is better.  Many of the obstacles a rider has to clear on technical single-track trails require momentum.  If you hold the brakes, or even tap them, you lose valuable speed and stability.  That lost speed makes it increasingly difficult to roll over a log pile, or climb a steep incline.  It can also make those obstacles more hazardous.  Cresting one hill, looking down at a steep drop, the tendency of most novice riders, myself included, is to immediately grab the brakes, play it safe on the way down, and then struggle to pedal up the other side.  In order to be successful in these situations, I'm learning to let go of the brakes.

Seems like a pretty simple concept.


I'm also learning a lot about myself as I continue on my faith journey.  I'm hesitant, much like staring down at that steep drop.  I want to feel like I'm in control, grabbing both brakes, when I know in my heart that letting go will give me the stability I'm looking for.

Just as I feel the tug of gravity on a downhill run, I can feel God "tugging" at me, asking me to let him take control.  I'm letting him in, a little at a time.  But, is that really enough?

I had a conversation about that with my pastor just about a year ago.  We discussed where I was in my faith walk.  My wife was very active in serving at our church, and he noticed that I was becoming more involved as well.  Earlier in the year, I had actually expressed interest in being baptised.  I later decided against it.  I wasn't sure if I was ready.  As I explained to my pastor, there was a level of perceived control that I just wasn't ready to let go.  His answer at that moment made sense, but didn't really register until recently.  He said he thought, in my feeling that God was using me in different ways to serve the Church and the community, perhaps He was also encouraging me to "take my foot off of the brake and let Him take control." 

I was reminded of that message this weekend when my pastor asked me, and several other very amazing people, to share our stories of taking steps of faith and challenge in our lives.  How awesome that God's message to me and the lessons I'm learning in cycling are identical.

"LET GO OF THE BRAKES." 

Ride Till You're Bucked, or Don't Ride at All

As I was growing up, I heard my dad and my grandfather say some things that I never thought I'd understand.

"Greatness courts failure."

"Can't never did nuthin"

"Wish in one hand and shit in the other.  See which fills up first."

Those all made sense once I had heard them often enough.  The one I could never get a grip on until about high school was:

"Ride 'er till she bucks ya, or don't ride at all."

That one hit me hard today.  I rode in only the second mountain bike race of my life...my second in three weeks as it happens.  My training and preparation were right where they needed to be for this event.  My bike was well maintained.  I was ready to ride hard and finish 10.5 miles strong.

I got out of the starting gate in great shape, riding in the top 15 through the first half lap...and my bike failed.  The rear derailleur (shifter) jammed.  I had one gear.  Luckily, it was a climbing gear and I was able to spin my way to the start/finish line.  I finished ONE LAP out of three.  I was (am) disappointed.  I felt like I gave up.  I HATE not finishing...EVER.  However, my equipment had other ideas. 

My always positive wife reminded me that I gave it everything I had.  There was rain...no, there was a torrential downpour twenty minutes before the race started.  The course was already soft.  It was quite literally like a muddy "Slip-n'-Slide" for 3.5 miles.  She was right (of course). 

I've gotten this far not by worrying about the trail, or the weather, or getting hurt, or questioning my bike's maintenance.  I'm here because I'm pursuing an activity that I love and that I get satisfaction from.

If I had worried about any of those things, I never would have tried.

Confessions of a Wannabe Mountain Biker

I am 43 years old, and I am less than a week away from my first organized mountain bike race.  I will be racing in the novice class...gotta start somewhere.  Many years ago, before age and gravity became my enemies, I possessed a fair amount of talent on a bike.  I had speed, strength, and no fear whatsoever.  Today, I still have plenty of strength, the speed is coming back, and the fear...well...I'm

AFRAID!!!

Not afraid of crashing or injury...I can fix the bike and pain doesn't hurt (for long).  So, what am I afraid of? 

FAILURE

What if I can't finish?  What if I'm just fooling myself with this racing thing?  C'mon, it's my first race EVER.  I'm not going to try to fool myself into thinking I can win this thing, even in the "novice" class.  My goals are to evaluate my conditioning, to learn how to ride in traffic, and prepare for future events.

But, what if...

In addition to being overly analytical, I can also be kind of...slightly...maybe just a little...

COMPETITIVE

and

SELF-CRITICAL

I've been riding and training alone, so the voice in my head, pushing me, berating me for not pedaling hard enough, or taking it easy on a brisk ride sounds a lot like me.  However, when my legs feel heavy and my lungs are burning and I stand on the pedals and get out of the saddle 10 miles into a ride and tackle that hill, the one I could just as easily ride in an easier gear, the guy smiling and thinking, "Let's do that again!"...that guy sounds like me too.

It's funny, that same guy, in my head, who pushes me, criticizes me, rewards me, he says something else.

"YOU CAN DO THIS!"





Passion

Lately, I spend a lot of time thinking and talking about "passion".  Not that kind of passion.  That passion is good, I like that passion, and I highly recommend it.  I mean the fire in your belly, those things that you really care about, that excite you.


I've become aware of many folks in the workforce who lack any type of passion at all.  You've seen them.  That waitress who ignored your repeated requests for refills.  The WalMart greeter who looks right at you and doesn't even give you a nod.  The Home Depot employee who walks right by you without asking if they can help you find what you're looking for.  I'm not saying they should turn handsprings or sing the menu to you, but, for God's sake, act like you care...even a little bit.


On the other hand, there are also a good many people who go out of their way to make your dining, shopping, or home improvement experience a pleasant one.  They're very good at what they do, they stand out from the crowd...they have passion.  You can't sing the menu to a customer and NOT have passion, am I right?


I have been in the lawn and landscape industry for almost twenty years.  I love what I do.  Most days.  I have a passion for green things, things that grow and bloom...all the time.  Don't believe me?  Come by the house and look at my lawn.  Seriously, check it out!


Some of my other passions?  My wife, my sons, golf, reading, mountain biking, baseball...and, if you've known me for any length of time, you know this one...the Pittsburgh Steelers.  When I get excited about something, biking for example, I believe it's worth it, to me, to put maximum effort into it.  I want to be better at it today than I was yesterday and even better tomorrow than today.


I've learned the hard way that it is beneficial to do the same with love and family.  My wife deserves my maximum effort.  My sons deserve my maximum effort.  I want to be a better husband and father tomorrow than I am today. You can get comfortable and forget the fire, the passion...it happened to me.  My life is better for having realized this.

I feel drawn to people who have that fire (there are only so many times you can say "passion" before it feels weird).  I believe that I'm being put in the paths of people who share my desire to pursue their passions (there it is again).  When I'm surrounded by friends and family who are excited about their lives, their projects, their jobs, it gets me excited about the same things in my life.  These are people who are chasing their desires and dreams, and you can't help but put more effort into your desires and dreams.  I am blessed to be surrounded by these people.

So...what's your passion?  And how are you pursuing it?

A Whole Lot Like Work

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." - Thomas Alva Edison


That's always been one of my favorite quotes about work.  But, what if we applied it to marriage?  I think it might read more like this:

"Marriage fails for most people because it's dressed in an old t-shirt, puts on weight, may or may not clean up after itself, has a mind of its own, and requires work."

(Please don't quote me on that!)

My wife and I have been together for 22 years as of just a few days ago.  We've been married for just over 14 of those.  We went on our first date on February 10, 1990.  I can't begin to explain how long ago that seems.  At the same time, it feels like yesterday. 

Until about 5 years ago, I wouldn't have been able to tell you honestly how to make a marriage work.  I probably still can't.  I've never been much on giving relationship advice, mostly because I can't stand receiving it.  What works for me might not work for you.  I can tell you this:  Your relationship is doomed if you can't, won't, or don't work on communicating.  Period.  Again, I'm no authority, but I've been down that road.  Tammy and I have had our share of tough times, mostly due to communication...or absence of communication.  She has written about it in her very inspirational blog.  She really is quite amazing (is that too much ass-kissing?).

I love working on things, building, making things that were broken work again. Tammy can tell you that I will not undertake any project or attempt any repairs without the instruction manual or, at the very least, a blueprint or plans.  Guess what?  There's no freakin' instruction manual for marriage!  You're on your own, man.  It's up to you and your spouse to figure it out.  That can be a little frightening, and a recipe for disaster if you are not willing to work at it. 

We (mostly me) forgot what was really important at some point.  While I was busy worrying about why I wasn't happy with my life and my job and my health and everything else, I was not communicating with my wife.  I held it all in and made it even worse.  I worked long hours even though I hated my job at the time.  The work around the house that should have been shared; the dishes, laundry, pretty much got done by her.  I was not interested.  I didn't tell her what was bothering me, and I wasn't listening to what she was telling me.  I didn't hear that she missed date nights, and that she really wished we could spend time together.  I didn't hear that she wanted to know what was going in in my life, with my job, and why I was so tired all the time.  All I cared about was ME.  Something I should have figured out a long time ago is simply that marriage is not about ME...it's about US. 

In the last several years our relationship has grown.  It's been work and it has been challenging at times, but it has been worth it.  What a huge difference it's made that we make time for each other, make time for family, and we communicate.  We really communicate particularly well.  Yes, we have our rough moments, but we talk and (*gulp*) share our feelings. (I'm still a guy; "feelings" give me pause sometimes.)  What's astonishing to me is that I'm much happier with everything else in my life, and I truly believe it has a lot to do with being happier in my (OUR) marriage.

Twenty-two years ago, neither Tammy nor I had any idea that we would be together this long.  We certainly had no clue that the love we'd find in one another could continue to grow as it has.  Today, I can't imagine my life without her in it, and that's work I'll gladly pursue for as long as she'll allow me. 
   

New paths

Recently, I've made a couple of decisions in my life that will take me down new paths.  One figuratively, the other, quite literally. 

The first was quite simple, really.  I've always had a love of bicycles, ever since I started riding.  I've been on just about every type of bike imaginable.  When I'm on a bike, it's like an extension of me.  Growing up, watching the Olympics, I dreamed of riding in the high-banked velodromes at incredible speeds.  That dream died early, forgotten, as football and girls became my focus in high school.

I'm back on a bike again at 43 years old.  This time, it's a mountain bike, and the passion is returning.  I've discovered that I love riding off-road and "cross-country".  After a Facebook chat with a friend, I've decided to try a race this year.    It's only the largest one-day mountain bike event in North America, but I'm trying to keep things in perspective and not set goals that are unattainable.  Training will be imperative to completing a 30-mile ride in one piece.  I intend to keep my faithful followers updated. 

My second life altering decision should have required no thought process at all.  As I tend to over think everything, there was no chance of that.  I have struggled with my faith in Jesus Christ and God for a very long time.  I think my heart has known for some time the direction I need to go, but my brain always seems to get in the way.

Many things have brought me to this point in my life.  My wife enjoys a very strong relationship with the Lord and is active in our church.  To be honest, I've been afraid to follow her lead; afraid to let go and give my life to God. 

I want my sons to have a strong Christian faith.  I want them to pursue their faith willingly, and with conviction.  In order for that to happen, Tammy and I must be the example.  I do not want her to have to shoulder all of that responsibility.

Most of all, I want to be a better man.  Some may say you don't need a Christian faith for that.  I would disagree.  As I've let go a little at a time, I can feel the changes in my life.  Tammy has seen it also.  Now, I must find the courage to let myself go completely and grow my personal relationship with God. 

And, I know in my heart, He is the right path.

Tebowing

Just for the record, I like Tim Tebow.  You say he's not a great quarterback.  I say he's a second year guy who's doing a pretty damn good job against elite athletes, and less talented quarterbacks have taken their teams to Super Bowls...Trent Dilfer.  But that's not why I like the kid.

Tim Tebow is living his dream, playing a GAME and getting paid to do it.  And he openly shows his faith in God.  (Yes, that's a capital G in God.)  What's wrong with that?  Does it make him less of an accomplished athlete?  No.  Is he a weaker man, because he openly shows his love for our Lord?  Absolutely not.  I see many pro athletes, most of them only for show, pointing to the sky or crossing themselves when they score or make a big play.  I also know of a few others who have been as open about their faith as Tebow.  Troy Polamalu and Drew Brees come to mind.  So, why, then is Tim Tebow the butt of just about every joke on every daytime and nighttime talk show?  Why is his faith fodder for so much hate and disrespect?  Why are so many offended by the prayers on the sidelines?  Why does "political correctness" prohibit us from bad mouthing Muslims, but not Christians? 

So many questions.  Here's another one for you to ponder.  If Tim Tebow were Muslim, would he be mocked for his faith the way he is now?